… that her butt looks like an old lady’s.
Unfortunately for you, women can’t wear thongs every day.Some days are just not thong days. Some days are gross-feeling, sweatpants-wearing, grandma-panty-sporting celebrations of dowdiness, and as a good boyfriend, it is your sworn duty to respect the pantaloons
and pretend they turn you on as much as that stringy number she whips out every other Thursday.
Even if you’ve discovered a hilarious new way (Ed. note - here's another) to say old-lady-butt, likening your girlfriend’s choice of ass coverings to that of an incontinent elder will more often than not get you a VIP reservation at the couch motel.
Even if she freely admits that her undies are unattractive, you are not allowed to agree, just like how you’re not allowed to call someone else’s kid special even if the parents freely admit that he’s not the brightest tool in the shed.
... that she reminds you of your mom.
Does this one merit an explanation?
You may think you’re paying a high compliment – or you may not even realize that pointing out something as seemingly innocuous as similarities between two women you love could have such dire consequences – but I assure you, this one will get you nowhere fast.
One, you will almost certainly begin to see your mom in places you absolutely do not want her intruding, which will wreak havoc on your sex life. Two, you will either insult the girlfriend who can’t stand your mother, or you’ll strike fear into the heart of the girlfriend who worries she’ll never completely usurp mumsie for your affections. Either way, the big L will be yours.
… that her best friend is smokin’ hot.
It’s true: your girlfriend’s BFF is hot, and your girlfriend knows it (believe me, she can’t help but know it). Much like the aforementioned underwear situation, however, you’re not really allowed to acknowledge this truth in girlfriend’s presence.
There’s no need to lie, per se – women will call you out on that faster than hysteria spreads during a Gmail malfunction – but there’s also no need to give voice to something that’s guaranteed to give your girlfriend a mini insecurity complex.
At times even the most self-assured girls worry that their boyfriends would rather be dating someone else; you just don’t know about it because your girlfriend is (hopefully) together enough to keep these demons to herself, opting instead to journal furiously or drink a few extra glasses of wine at dinner.
Even if you think your GF is so much cooler than the average chica, don’t chance fanning the girl-insecurity flames by mentioning how good-looking her hottie best friend is unless you never want to stop hearing about how you’d “probably just rather be dating ______ anyway”.
… that you once experimented with a guy.
This one is tricky, because yes, you want to be with someone whom you can trust with your deepest, darkest, gayest secrets, but you also need to realize that some things are better left in your past as long as they’re inconsequential to the present.
All young adults go through a momentary (or slightly-longer-than-momentary) questioning of their sexual orientation. Who can blame them? Feelings are confusing. That in and of itself isn’t news. What might make your girlfriend a little nervous, however, is your admission of those few drunken nights you had with your frat brother back in ’98, especially if she happens to know the dude.
It happened; move on. Spilling it to her just because you think you “should” will only make her question all of your actions from the point of confession forward, and no girl wants to wonder if her man will leave her in 15 years for a guy half her age.
However: if you’re still confused, or it’s really weighing on you emotionally, then before you go crying to your GF, have a sit-down with yourself to decide if you’re really in the head space to be in a relationship at all. Take it from mama: it’s always better to deal with your dilemmas in the present than ignore them long enough for them to bite you in the ass in the future.
By: Jenny Foughner:
http://www.mademan.com
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