Best Places to Pick Up Women in the USA

Pick Up Joints

From the mountains, to the prairies, to the females, far and wiiiiiiiide, God bless America… Okay, you get the picture.

We love us some USA because it truly is the land of opportunity. You may not be able to get a job or pay for health insurance, but you can always pick up a lady friend. We decided to help you focus your search down to the best places in the nation to pick up women, you know, just to give you a leg up. So to speak.

Gentlemen...your list of places to pick her up.

South Carolina: Downtown Greenville
We all know that a stiff, religious upbringing makes chicks want to do real bad things to you. And what better place to find such females as the buckle of The Bible Belt? You won’t find them cruising Wade Hampton Blvd or rockin’ the Haywood Mall.

The place you want to go is downtown G’Vegas and hit row-after-row of smokey bars. They’ll be the chicks pretending to have a bachelorette party just to get your attention. Fish in a barrel? That’s difficult compared to scoring with these honeys.

Tip: Avoid going too far North East. Spartanburg is the itchy butthole of The Bible Belt.

Texas: Austin
For your money, this is the only city worth visiting in Texas. Provided you want to pick up a chick or two. We included the whole city here because this city is a wealth of chick-picking-uppery (yet another term we have coined).

Austin has a primo downtown area and a little something for everyone: country-western bars (gag), dance clubs, sports bars, outdoorsy stuff, and pseudo-artsy places, if that’s your bag. The Austin 6th Street Bar is particularly ripe for the pickin’. http://www.austintexasbar.com/ The city also has plenty of live music in various spots, which acts as a magnet for chicks wanting to throw sexual caution to the wind. And that’s what we in the biz call ‘Paradise’.

Tip: Bring extra deodorant. It’s f’ing hot.

Colorado: Slopes of Aspen
There’s something magical about being locked into a small ski town for a week that makes women want to lock their winter-coat-covered arm through yours and stroll off into the two degree night. Maybe it’s the spiked hot chocolate or the fact that people's possible imperfections are hidden under ski masks and six layers of thermals. All we know is Aspen with its multiple slopes is a breeding ground (hehe) for snagging a chick. And we mean that in a totally non-creepy, legal way.

Tip: Avoid licking the flag poles.

Manhattan: Brother Jimmy’s BBQ
This place not only has a great atmosphere, great food, and lots of booze, but it is also a haven for many a female waiting to be hit on. There are several locations to choose from around Manhattan, but we suggest the location across from The Garden at 31st and 8th.

Here you get plenty of wild local chicks, but also get a high volume of out-of-towners looking to make some bad decisions while on vacay. And don’t shy away from picking up the employees either. The waitresses and bartenders are almost all females and are allowed to sip an adult beverage while working.

Tip: There may or may not be syphilis in the bathroom. Proceed with caution.

Florida: Panama City Beach
Sure, this one has specific dates attached to it, but it is well worth it. If picking up hot and intoxicated college chicks isn’t your thing, then you are a loser. But don’t worry, Spring Break has now become a holiday for other hotties that actually have a career and pretend to be responsible.

Luckily, they are hitting Panama City to throw some fuel on the dying embers of their youth. Hello, opportunity. When the sun disappears and the crowds move into the city, go to The Boatyard. This is a spot where you are guaranteed to pick up a vixen.

Tip: Don’t write your name on your chest with sunscreen. That’s just lame.

Utah: Sundance Film Festival
Again, you only have a short period of time out of the year to exploit this location, but you would be wise to do so. Thousands of fans, film types, and Hollywood clingers shack up for a little over a week every January to get wasted and hit on one another under the guise of the cinema.

And luckily, the festival covers four cities which expands your pick up horizons. Throw a rock and you’ll hit a party in progress. Throw another rock and you’ll hit a chick waiting for someone to sweep her off her feet for the better part of the week. You’ll just have to explain why you threw a rock at her.

Tip: Say you have a film in competition. They’ll never check on it later.

Seattle Coffee Houses
In many cities, picking up a chick in a coffee house is daunting because she is infinitely smarter and more educated than you. In Seattle, you get all kinds. Where else are they going to go when rain is being heaped on the city -- as it does over ¾ of the time?

Seattle is known for their coffee joints, but what many don’t know is that they are also havens for some of Seattle’s most smoking hotties. So throw on a raincoat and grab an umbrella and head to Seahawk country. Playa’.

Tip: Don’t open up with, “So, how about this rain, huh?”

California: Hearst Castle
Yeah, we know. You’re confused as to how a massive mansion/castle/structure could be a place to pick up chicks. One trip there will convince you forever. Hearst Castle just happens to be on the Central Coast of California in between San Francisco and Los Angeles, and pretty much entrenched in Wine Country. And millions of chicks take road trips into Wine Country every year.

What many a man does not know is that these women usually make a pit stop at Hearst Castle -- if for nothing else, but to make a bathroom pit stop. These same women are on a road trip to escape the mundaness of their big city lives. Go. Be their knight in shining armor. Or at least one in an Old Navy t-shirt and soccer sandals.

Tip: Visit the gift shop. It’s actually pretty bitchin’.
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6 Signs She Wants to be More Than Friends

Time to be pickin’ up what she’s layin’...

By: Jenny Foughner

All throughout history, humans have looked to the past to teach them about the future. The mistakes of our forefathers paved the way for our successes, just like our transgressions will hopefully make it less likely that
future generations will engage in questionable activities that have disastrous results.

For example, the fall of Rome taught us not to be cocky buttheads, the Great Depression taught us to keep our money in our mattresses, and that ship no one thought would ever sink taught us not to ride on boats unless we could afford first-class accommodations.

More powerful than all these, however, is the one cautionary tale that defines an entire generation: the saga of Dawson and Joey. I’ll save you the details (as if you don’t know them already), but basically, Joey (girl-next-door/secretly hot tomboy) and Dawson (brooding blonde manchild with all-consuming ambitions to become famous auteur) were bff’s until Joey started having these feelings, feelings that made her heart flutter and her knees weak and inspired her to wear makeup on a semi-regular basis.

Dawson, meanwhile, blissfully ignorant as he was, spent approximately 40 seasons not knowing that his best female friend was butt-loco in love with him, which in turn facilitated some very uncomfortable close-ups on Katie Holmes crying. That’s not the point, though.

The point, good sirs, is that Joey had to date Dawson’s OTHER best friend (holy love triangle! and not the good kind!) just to get Dumbass to notice that she was actually trying to date him. THEN, when Dawson FINALLY realized that he loved Joey, SHE WASN’T EVEN AVAILABLE TO HIM.

The fact that some of us still haven’t gotten over Dawson’s Creek notwithstanding, the moral of this tragic tale is that your best friend might be in love with you, but if you’re too focused on other stuff, then you might not realize it until your window of opportunity has closed.

This can have dire, dire consequences (not least of which is millions of broken prepubescent hearts), especially if you suddenly realize that you have similar feelings for her. If she’s doing some (or all) of the following, then you have an important decision to make, and fast. Don’t be Dawson, people. Don’t be Dawson.

She’s wearing more makeup and/or dressing better than she used to around you.

I find it rather humorous that male animals have all the fancy plumage and whatnot in the animal world, because in the human world it’s the females who prance around in their finest finery upon identifying a desirable mate.

Thusly, if your female friend has suddenly upped the wardrobe ante – that is, if she always looks like she has a hot date to get to or a cocktail party to attend – on nights she’s only hanging out with you, then it’s pretty safe to assume that she’s angling to reduce the distance between the two of you on the couch during your reality tv-a-thon. Think about it: if she didn’t want you to want her, then she wouldn’t get dressed up just to hang out at your apartment, she’d wear sweatpants and talk about farts with you. Ewwwww. But, yes.

She no longer talks about other guys in front of you.

A sudden drop-off in your bff’s tendency to over-share about her romantic exploits is a pretty tell-tale sign that this particular girl friend wants to be your legit girlfriend. Most girls crave a reliable male perspective on all of their emotional entanglements, so a girl who views you as nothing more than a trusted friend will be quick to ask your opinion about every guy she ever meets, even if it’s just a dude who glances at her on the street. If she unexpectedly stops doing this, then it’s probably because she can’t ask you about the guy she’s currently sweating. Because it’s you. Haha! See how that works?! Magic.

She (uncharacteristically) texts back right away.

Infuriatingly, most people don’t respond to texts right away. They could be busy, or in jail, or trying to fish their phones out of the toilet. It happens. So when a friend who happens to be a girl suddenly happens to start responding to your texts immediately – and when she attempts to keep the textversation going – then there’s a good chance she’s been thinking about you and waiting for you to initiate contact.

Texting alone isn’t a reliable indicator of interest (some people are just natural-born text fiends who really hate it that other people take their sweet-ass time to write a two-word response), but a sudden increase in her textability could mean a sudden increase in her desire to get naked with you. Proceed with caution, but proceed nonetheless.

She gets super sensitive about things that used to be No Big Deal.

For a woman, one of the worst things about discovering Feelings for a certain guy is the tendency to become hyper-aware of every little thing he does and what it might mean for The Potential Relationship. I capitalize to signify importance, men, so pay attention. It’s like there’s a magic freak-out switch that gets flipped in the girl brain when emotions become involved.

For example, your friend probably used to joke right along with you about her fugly man toes, but that was when you were Just a Friend. When you become a Crush and/or Potential Relationship Partner, she begins to worry that your innocent jokes about said fugly man toes mean you’ll never EVER be interested in dating her, and in fact think she’s a lot like Cameron Diaz’s character in Shrek. She might even go home and cry about it to her roommate.

Her friends give you knowing looks.

This is like a subtler form of lionesses hunting, in which the prey, once identified, must be scrutinized by the entire pack to determine whether or not it is suitable for consumption (and weak enough to be slaughtered).

That is to say, once a girl tells her girlfriends that she’s into a guy, they can’t help but stare knowingly at that guy (especially if they know him) both to size him up and, I think, to clue the poor bastard into what’s actually going on. I think it arises from the female desire to see happy couples have happy endings all the time, which brings me right back to where I started, stuck in a pit of despair because Dawson never got his crap together.

She’s always making excuses to hang out with you alone.

Girls aren’t so different from you (aside from the extra anatomical features and slightly better smell). We don’t love hanging out in groups any less than you do, and we don’t want to waste time on people we don’t care about any more than you do.

Just like you (probably) wouldn’t make a move on a girl until you got her alone, a girl who’s into you (especially one who knows you well) won’t even try to act on her feelings until she’s alone with you (and even then she’ll probably be wishing you’d just make the first move anyway).

If the same female friend who’s exhibiting most or all of the above behaviors repeatedly looks for ways to hang out with you alone (as in, you suggest meeting up with other friends at a bar, while she offers to come to your place with a bottle of Jack and your fave stupid movie), then it’s time to make a move.

Either that, or risk watching her drunkenly and awkwardly throw herself at you, or worse, miss a golden opportunity to get it on with your hot female friend. I shouldn’t have to say it, but neither of these are desirable options.
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